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Archive for September, 2007

Guilt

Putting those thoughts in writing is difficult and when I read it I feel guilty.  I can’t believe I said, “My heart isn’t in it”.  Oh, this is so hard!

 Gosh, I have a slew of thoughts circling inside my head… thoughts that shouldn’t be said.

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Disconnected

Honestly, I never thought I’d be sitting here hashing it out in my mind….  It’s like running a marathon with blinders on. You’ve trained for months, years wanting to PR but coming up short time and time again.  Callused from endless miles it’s hard to see the forest for the trees.

 I want to forgive!  I thought I had forgiven him but I’ve been so easily irritated that I’ve wondered where I stand after all.  It’s not fair but my heart is not in this relationship anymore.  For years I’ve hoped that my feelings would change.  I’ve hoped for a miracle really.  Oh, why does this have to be so hard?

 Betrayal is hard to forget.

 Walking this experience alone has not been easy.  I’ve been screaming inside but while I hope to forgive him for what he’s done, I know that if my family and friends knew…. they would not forgive.  I’ve kept this secret from them in hopes that our life will find a more pleasant path…

In hopes that we can put it behind us…

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